16 [more from this month]

Gwyneth Paltrow has named her baby girl Apple. I mean, that's just asking for abuse! Any guesses on the middle names? Cider, Juice, Schnapps? Maybe Apple is the middle name and she's actually called "Bad"? There must be some logic to it! Is it because Gywneth's real name is "Tree" and apples don't fall far from the tree...? Hmmm. Is it that she craved apples during the pregnancy? I'm just glad that I was called David, especially since my mum craved tomatoes and this stuff the taiwanese love to eat called smelly tofu. (It's actually quite nice.) Perhaps there was a little oversight with my chinese name though i.e. with it being "ha" which can be literally translated as "leisure pavilion". That's right, I'm a Butler in a pavilion of leisure. Maybe it's fate, as I'm writing this at my bachelor pad in a fairly leisurely manner. I'm not joking, there are blocks of flats in Taipei called my name and a dodgy motel or two I bet.

Tags: Gwyneth Paltrow, Apple