11 
A panda eats in a cafe. He finishes his sandwich, fires a gun in the air and walks towards the door. When the waiter asks in confusion what he thinks hes doing, the panda throws him a badly punctuated book on wildlife: "Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves".
I mention this old joke because I got asked by a colleague whether the word "supplied" has one 'p' or two today. It's shocking what gets misspelled and worse, gets mispronounced in a technology company!
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8
One of my colleagues got married yesterday. I wonder what the new wife would make of this Good Wife's Guide
25 
Can't wait to see Arsenal win at White Hart lane today! I thought those hysterical Chelsea fans at their lucky Champions League win were chanting that we wouldn't be winning <anything at> all? I think we'll be winning more than you do!
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11
If vampires did exist...
... where would they work? My colleagues and I were offered the afternoon off work last week if we went to the blood bank. I thought it was a pretty good deal. Turned out to be an absolute bargain. Two of them fainted and one (I'm not kidding) spraying a couple of jets of his precious life blood all over the sparklingly clean white shirt of the guy jabbing him. I really have to get one of those camera phones. I didn't faint, basically because I'm rock hard. The guy jabbing me kept on saying "You've got really tough skin, mate! You should be a boxer!" Thanks for the pep talk, mate. Anyway, I think that's pretty Christ-like especially at Easter. Here's the website. Go donate! But try not to faint!
4
This guy called Steve Price was performing magic tricks after church today. It was very good! To think it's already been a year since we couldn't get away from David Blaine (even though he was in a box). This was much better!
Horses for quizzes
As I got into the office on Friday I was more or less mugged and made to enter the office Grand National pool. Unsurprisingly I drew a 50-to-1 shot out of the hat. How do you pronouce TyneandThynegain? I've nicknamed him FinethenThighstrain because he doesn't feature at all on the final results! The horses that finished and which fences all the other horses fell at are on there. I didn't watch the race but I'm thinking, if he didn't even make it to the first fence then he must have tripped over the start tape... and then probably got shot.
Anyway, Amberleigh House was the winner. Always useful to remember these things, as I'm sure it'll come up in some pub quiz sooner or later. I'm actually setting the questions for a fundraiser pub-style quiz at church come summer. Maybe a question on the Grand National will come up... although, I was planning on it being a Socratic wonder... (especially the calculus round). We'll see!
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