It's not a conspiracy about Iraq hiding WMD. It's not about aliens. It's not the one currently perpetrated by Coca Cola in selling vanilla coke which is horrible stuff in packaging that is hardly any different to proper coke and through this dirty trick profit enough to overthrow small countries... although someone should probably look into that. Neither is it the one about betel nut chewers who actually spit out raspberry juice that they've hidden in their jackets. Some of you won't know what I'm talking about and I've alienated you, sorry. But my homies will know exactly. You'd die of dehydration surely if betel nuts really caused you to salivate THAT much. No it's this. Apparently Ireland beat England?! What... at rugby!?

Muppets, all of them. Toddlers could organise better line outs than that.